GREEN BAY IS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL which means I can relax for a minute before the pregame jitters set in again. So, in this fleeting moment of postgame tranquility and analysis I would like to briefly reflect on yesterday’s game.
First, ”WHAT’S UP BJ RAJIIIIIIIIIIII?!”. Watching you stumble into the end zone was like watching a big baby take his first steps. Sure, I went hoarse screaming at you to protect that ball, but that TD brought me pure joy and excitement. It was incredibly cute how your size made it look like you were running in slow motion. And, your TD celebration dance was just precious. Those hips most certainly do not lie.
Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, I think the media is being too hard on Bears QB, Jay Cutler. Listen,
knee injuries menstrual cramps are no f-in joke. The only way you can know just how painful they are is having experienced the tsunami of pain in your uterus yourself. I once had cramps so excruciating that the pain washed over me like a wave of blinding white heat and for a second I was transported to another dimension. When I finally came to I was afraid to look down as I was sure that the earthquake of pain I had just experienced had shaken my uterus loose and it was spinning on the ground, Inception top style.
Cutler had all the tell tale signs of
a knee injury period cramps, yesterday.
Hunched over in pain? Check.
Crying because his uniform makes him look fat even though his friends keep telling him he looks really pretty? Check.
Feeling like you don’t want to do anything except cuddle up with a box of Chicken in a Biscuit and a Diet Coke, and watch Steel Magnolias. Check.
I feel for this kid. I can tell you there’s nothing worse than having cramps and being forced to suit up for gym or risk the chance of having to take it in summer school with the bad girls who finger snap and head bob at the gym teacher while yelling about how they don’t give a shit if they fail because it’s abuse to make them suit up when they feel like they’re going to puke.
In my mind, I always slow clapped for those girls; usually as I dragged my butt around the track and tried not to puke from my cramps.
Looks like Cutler may have a “torn MCL”. I’m sure it’s nothing a little Midol and a good cry can’t cure.