Have you heard Oprah’s big secret?  Apparently, she has long lost siblings scattered across America!  As a matter of fact, one of those siblings was found in my backyard in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  Do you know what this means?  It means…I COULD BE RELATED TO OPRAH, BEOTCHES!!

You don’t know how many times I’ve dreamed of sitting in Oprah’s colorfully dressed, multicultural, attractive audience decked out in my Sunday best (white gloves, Easter hat, and patten leather purse on my lap included), hair ironed pin straight, and make up spackled on just so, anxiously awaiting for the show to begin. 

Well, my friend, no longer will I think that I have a better chance of being related to the Queen of Talk than I do of getting tickets to her show because, there is a chance that I might be related to her!  I can just see myself getting that golden ticket DNA test result:

Maury:   Let’s read the results.  In the case of 33 year old DMTF…… Oprah……….you ARE her sister!

Me:  AWWWWWWEEEEEE YEAH BOOOOOOYYYYYY!!  I TOLD YOU!  I TOLD YOU YOU WERE MY SISTA’!  THANK YOU JEEEEEEEEEESUS!!!!

No more 500 words or less bullshit essays on Oprah.com/tickets for this girl.  No siree. I’m getting my ass on ancestor.com and doing some serious research.  I’ll see you in a few months, Oprah:

P.S.  I hope I’m one of your favorite things.